hmmm..
"Relationships aren't the best thing, if you ask me. People can be quite untrustworthy, and the more you get to know them--by that I mean the more you let somebody know who you really are--the more it feels as though something is at stake. And that makes me nervous. It takes me a million years to get to know anybody pretty well, and even then the slightest thing will set me off. I feel it in my chest, this desire to dissociate. I don't mean to be a jerk about it, but that is how I am wired. I say this because it makes complete sense to me that we would rather have a formula religion than a relational religion. If I could, I probably would have formula friends because they would be safe.
I have this suspicion, however, that if we are going to get to know God, it is going to be a little more like getting to know a person than practicing voodoo. And I suppose that means we are going to have to get over this fear of intimacy, or whatever you want to call it, in order to have an ancient sort of faith, the same faith shared by all the dead apostles. " ---Donald Miller (From Searching For God Knows What....Chapter 2)
That first paragraph hit me like a ton of bricks. Kinda like an light bulb moment if ya know what I mean. That is so me. Everyone knows that is me. I have a really hard time trusting people because it seems once I do they always let me down. And when they do I fly off the handle and just want to dissociate myself with them and never look back. I don't really have anything profound to say beyond that. I can say in the few really really close relationships I do have where there has been let down and forgiveness it has made those relationships so much more valuable and precious to me. Some of the closest friends I have I would have lost if I just ran away like I wanted to (or if after I ran away they weren't willing to talk haha). I am learning more and more that relationships are hard but well worth it.
The second paragraph shed some light for me as well. Sometimes I forget that I have a "relationship" with God. It's not just some formula. It needs to be nurtured like any friendship. I need to spend time in his word to get to know him better. Its also not going to be a cakewalk. Is any true honest valuable relationship easy?
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